SW: 192.6 03/05/06 CW: 188.0 05/01/06 GW: 176.0 07/02/06 16.6/4.6/12.0

Be Free Whew, finally! My FNP switched me over to an estrogen (1 mg) because I was very low when they drew my blood last month and she had me wean off the happy pills. If the 1 mg doesn't seem to make a notable difference in 2 weeks, she wants it boosted to 2 mg for an additional 2 weeks. And if that doesn't do the trick, she gave me a trial pack of L0tramax, another SRl since she feels We1lbutrin won't work in my situation. 'Tis good. It's actually a relief to be off the "happy" pills. Don't ask me why, I still haven't figured that out yet. Not sure I even want to try -- way too much going on. As if you couldn't tell. It's been how long now? Sheesh!

The septic backed up yet again. No clean-out exists or at least that we can find which seems congruent with the whacky inverted plastic feed barrels that the previous owner cut in half and slapped over the two septic tanks instead of putting the typical risers on top with an easily accessible (one pull and let the $hit fly) lid. The guy who came out back in February to snake out the lines wants about a half-grand to install a clean out. He thinks there's something further back in the pipes under the house that's causing these problems which a cleanout will remedy. He also wanted to stick a video camera up the pipes and two Ben Franklins to do it. Can you imagine sticking a camera up a $hit hole? Oh, I can see the Google hits from that now! I suppose if I'm letting him look up my dirty pipes, I should be charging him, right? Especially if I'm letting him tape the experience.

So, as the snake sick-o is going back to his van to get a stick to prod down into the nether regions of my pipes in hopes of finding the buried cleanout cover, he notices a smell. Oooooo that smell.... "Uh oh," he says. "That's not good." I'm confused. He then asks if I smell it too. Yeah, come to think of it, I do. But who wouldn't? You've got a snake shoved up my $hit hole and it's churning out a crapload that ain't strawberries and cherries and as sweet as roses. He then says that's a sign the leach lines are failing. Odd. The guy who referred Mr. Snake to me isn't convinced since the tanks are flowing fine. "I didn't fart, did you?" He quipped. No. When I fart, it smells like something JLo, Gloria Vanderbilt, Chanel and Britney would want to bottle and sell a half-ounce for fifty smackers. Must have been the dog.

I've decided to save us a $h1tload of money and dig up the tanks and the spot where the cleanout will be installed, which will also save us money since we'll be able to flush out the pipes ourselves with a garden hose. Personally, I think it would fare much better for us if I just dug a hole at the back of the lot, stuck a little wooden shed on top with a wooden seat and a hole in the middle, a basket of Sears catalogs and carve a half-moon in the door... The boys might be more inclined to use less TP to wipe their butts, the hubby won't be as prone to throwing God knows what in and those non-flushable women's hygiene devices? I can finally toss the load without worrying about the mess. Cleaning bathrooms would once again be a breeze...

Bet you didn't know I was that sick and twisted, did you?

Funnier yet? I'm paying 5 times as much to have someone come out and clean the pool that was let go after I threw out my back late last year while I'm out there personally digging the holes to save less than a Ben. Now do you see why I don't update daily? You really didn't need to know all that, did you? :)

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